‘I have two mothers’: Reunion with former helper prompts wave of emotion online

SINGAPORE: When Charlyn Ng was born, the first person to hold her was her domestic helper.
Emelita Abraham, or Auntie Amy to the Ngs, went on to help raise their daughter for the next 16 years. The two of them used to “play together all the time” and also shared a room for a period.
“My parents would let Auntie Amy have the final say on everything (to do with) me. Because she was around me almost 24/7, and she knew what I did, what I ate,” recalled Ng, now aged 36.
“So I have two mothers. Both love me unconditionally. One of them is in Singapore, another one is very far away in the Philippines.”
Auntie Amy left Singapore in 2010. So it was an emotional reunion for Ng and her in On The Red Dot’s latest series, Finding Auntie, featuring young Singaporeans surprising their long-time helpers in their home towns.
There now follows an outpouring of emotion from netizens honouring the domestic helpers who helped to raise them. The first episode has attracted 626,000 views on YouTube as well as 1,200 comments.
Leonard Sim and his family are planning a surprise visit of their own — next month — to their helper of 30 years. She returned to the Philippines nearly five years ago owing to the pandemic and her family’s needs.
“She spent half her life taking care of us,” wrote the YouTube user. “It just feels right that we visit.”
Another YouTube user, Noreen Reynoso, recalled her family’s elation when their helper was granted a visa to attend her wedding in the United States, “wherein she walked in with my then widowed mum as ‘Auntie of the bride’”.
WATCH: I packed myself in a box to surprise my former domestic helper of 16 years (23:08)
“She retired in her home province and was regularly visited by us siblings until her passing in 2017, at the age of 89,” wrote Reynoso. “Miss her so much.”
There are about 295,000 foreign domestic workers in Singapore. And for many netizens whose helpers have already left, there are many childhood memories to recall, like staying up to watch television together and their helpers sneaking them snacks under their parents’ noses.
Shawn Tok, 30, remembers celebrating Lybeth Forcrey’s birthday every year — Auntie Lili to him. And in the second episode of Finding Auntie, he got to celebrate it again with the “big sister (he) never had”.
Many viewers could relate to these bonds of affection with former helpers. “They really become your family when they’ve been there since the very beginning,” commented TikTok user Yu Qing, whose helper of 24 years went home last year.
The show has evoked responses not just from young adults and not just in Singapore.
Netizens identifying as former and current helpers fondly recalled the children they helped to care for, and hoped their young charges would not forget them.
“Proud helper here in Macau since 2012,” wrote @ofwmommy8811 on YouTube. “Hope someday when I go back to my country, they’ll still remember me.”
Parents spoke of their gratitude and respect for the sacrifices their helpers made.
TikTok user @piscesrock2427, who relied on a nanny to care for her children until they turned 18, commented: “For all that she’s done, I cannot repay her (in) this lifetime.”
Also on TikTok, user @koinbox commented: “My helper spent more years taking care of my children than her own. God bless her.”
WATCH: I flew to the Philippines to surprise my former helper of 15 years (22:47)
For their part, children of foreign domestic workers were proud of their mothers and relieved that their mums had employers who treated them well.
“My mum was a domestic helper in Hong Kong for 20 years, and (spent) her last 15 years (with) a single employer, taking care of two children,” shared YouTube user @jomsa.8041.
His mother refused to leave the two children until they were older and could only be persuaded to retire when she had to have surgery in the Philippines, he recounted.
“As a son, I feel so grateful that she’d found a wonderful family who loved and treasured her,” he wrote, adding that her employer’s family kept in touch with her over the years until her death.
Some helpers who started working overseas at a young age — like Auntie Amy and Auntie Lili, both now 54 — returned home when they were middle-aged and remain childless to this day.
That is why Ng feels a mix of gratitude and guilt now. “I know that (Auntie Amy) really loves kids. And then I feel like, ‘Oh, she spent too much of her youth taking care of me,’” Ng said tearfully.
Having formed an attachment to their helpers, there were viewers who spoke of the pain of separation. For some, they did not have the chance to properly say goodbye.
YouTube user @jndtinc9612 has a son who, in his late teens, revealed that he had been wondering about his childhood nanny and asked why he was never told, for years, that she had died.
Ng also recalled her shock when Auntie Amy messaged her on Facebook saying she was back in the Philippines permanently. Before that, while Ng was studying in Australia, Auntie Amy had gone on to work for another family with children.
“I did feel a bit betrayed because I just assumed that she’d be with our family forever. Because she was like family to me,” said Ng.
Tok also had to come to terms with Auntie Lili’s departure in 2021. “I guess we always take for granted the simple things in life, such as companionship,” he mused.
Some viewers rued not keeping in touch with their past helpers or their futile attempts to track them down.
“I wish I could find her and thank her. We tried many times over the decades … but my parents don’t even know her full name,” lamented YouTube user @d05wtt.
“Those of you who have similar stories, if you found yours, you’re fortunate. I wasn’t able to, and I still think about it.”
Watching the show made others miss their former helpers. “One day, when I’ve saved up enough,” @riddlekillerkiller wrote on YouTube, “I’d like to visit (my former helper).”
Another YouTube user, @thishandleisavailable2023, wrote: “I had an ‘Auntie’ when I was growing up too. Her name is Elsie. I’m in my 40s now. This is a sign that I need to get in touch with her.”
The programme On The Red Dot airs on Channel 5 every Friday at 9.30pm.
Watch the fourth episode of the series Finding Auntie, when 28-year-old Rachel Quek finally gets to tell Auntie Marlyn, 66, that the helper of 22 years had created such a safe space for her.
In the fifth episode, 15-year-old Grayden Tan travels to Indonesia to find Auntie Fifit, 33, who looked after him for eight years. It is his first overseas trip without his parents.